Adam McCreight - Jason's brother
Eulogy II
On behalf of my family I’d like to say thank you to you
all for taking the time to be here today. It means so much.
Jason was always very inclusive of me with all his friends and it is wonderful
to see so many familiar faces.
Jason had an astonishing knowledge of poetry and I don’t know an appropriate
favourite of his; so I’d like to read one that, at this time, means so much to
me.
Aubade
by Philip Larkin
I work all day, and get half drunk at night.
Waking at four to soundless dark, I stare.
In time the curtain edges will grow light.
Till then I see what's really always there:
Unresting death, a whole day nearer now,
Making all thought impossible but how
And where and when I shall myself die.
Arid interrogation: yet the dread
Of dying, and being dead,
Flashes afresh to hold and horrify.
The mind blanks at the glare. Not in remorse
- The good not used, the love not given, time
Torn off unused - nor wretchedly because
An only life can take so long to climb
Clear of its wrong beginnings, and may never:
But at the total emptiness forever,
The sure extinction that we travel to
And shall be lost in always. Not to be here,
Not to be anywhere,
And soon; nothing more terrible, nothing more true.
This is a special way of being afraid
No trick dispels. Religion used to try,
That vast moth-eaten musical brocade
Created to pretend we never die,
And specious stuff that says no rational being
Can fear a thing it cannot feel, not seeing_that this is what we fear - no
sight, no sound,
No touch or taste or smell, nothing to think with,
Nothing to love or link with,
The anaesthetic from which none come round.
And so it stays just on the edge of vision,
A small unfocused blur, a standing chill
That slows each impulse down to indecision
Most things may never happen: this one will,
And realisation of it rages out
In furnace fear when we are caught without
People or drink. Courage is no good:
It means not scaring others. Being brave
Lets no-one off the grave.
Death is no different whined at than withstood.
Slowly light strengthens, and the room takes shape.
It stands plain as a wardrobe, what we know,
Have always known, know that we can't escape
Yet can't accept. One side will have to go.
Meanwhile telephones crouch, getting ready to ring
In locked-up offices, and all the uncaring
Intricate rented world begins to rouse.
The sky is white as clay, with no sun.
Work has to be done.
Postmen like doctors go from house to house.
[Adam]
I’m not a religious man and I take no comfort in the notion of an everlasting
life beyond this one.
And yet, many people have asked if there is anything they can do for me and for
my family. Well, there is something. The greatest gift anyone here can give me
is the reassurance that when you think back on your past maybe you could include
a moment when Jason touched your life.
His humour, perhaps, or his words, maybe the conviction of his opinions, man,
the conviction of those opinions, Who knows, maybe an involuntary smile will
creep across your lips or a short laugh will catch you unawares.
It’s a warm feeling, isn’t it.
It is in these moments that Jason lives forever, in our memories and in our
hearts. There’s your everlasting.
Jason had a brilliant mind.
A fragile, crippling mind, too, as it turned out.
Whatever lies beyond, I know this. Jason is free from his shattered body and
free from the pressure of his thoughts.
Jason can finally take a break from being Jason.
Maybe now he can have some peace.
Jason was a beautiful man,
A wonderful brother,
And a true friend.
And if it’s all I can have,
Then the near 34 years that I knew Jason
Is lifetime enough.
